Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
