He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
