that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
