i dont even know how to be here
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
