My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
