I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
