Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
