just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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