so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
