where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
