this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
