guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
