U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
