My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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