i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
