better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
