So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
