now i know why i became what i already was.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
