i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
