Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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