Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
