She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
