I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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