remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
