ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
