The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
