It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
