john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
