??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
