woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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