dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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