They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
