I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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