I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
