My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
