I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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