you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
