Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
