Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
