He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
