Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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