Cold hands, warm shart.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
