OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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