dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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