if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Houston, we have a blender
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
