It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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