I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
