nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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