I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Is it because I queefed?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
