The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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