tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
