Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
