Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
