Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
