Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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