I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I love having hate sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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