I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
