i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
if only i could text you this smell
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
