I didn't shave. On purpose
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
