Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
