grandma shit on top of the toilet
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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