Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
