When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
