whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
