This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
