Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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