Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
