That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
