you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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