Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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