Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
