I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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