dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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