i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
