he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
