in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Two words: blizzard sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize