is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
