I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
