took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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