The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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